i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize