Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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