I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
