just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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