Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
