I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My balls are so social today.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
