get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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