Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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