The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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