I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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