We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
