I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
