I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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