You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
