I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
