I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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