I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
