my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
