i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
