at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
