he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
