I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
