we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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