I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize