WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
