I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
