I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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