In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
