So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
