Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
