I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
