I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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