Even the bartender felt bad for me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
