fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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