My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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