i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
