its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
