I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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