i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
