Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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