Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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