ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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