I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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