I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
