I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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