So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
