I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
