I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
