i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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