So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So. Much. Porn.
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