nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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