I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
