people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ketchup is God's man juice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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