Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
