it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
