I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dignity is for republicans.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
