her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will pee on everything he values.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
