Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
