maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
