The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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