I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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