It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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