Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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