I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
