just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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