I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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