i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
