WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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