Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
