sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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