I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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