fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just invented taco cereal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize