you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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