My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
