Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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