every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
