Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
