Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
