hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
