it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
