Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
