Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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