FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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