take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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