when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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