I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
