Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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