I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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