Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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