first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
