My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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