moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
