PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
