Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize