Tell her she can't have a vagina
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
