why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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