there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize